dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
