It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
