dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
