Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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