Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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