I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
