So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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