ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
