Porn is love you can see.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
