i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
