I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
