i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
