So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
