NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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