I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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