i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
