you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
