You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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