I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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