i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
