$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
