I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
