shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
