She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
