i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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