I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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