nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
