I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
