Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am one with the molecules
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
