just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
