The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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