If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
