god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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