she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just gift wrapped bread.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
