Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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