nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
