Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
