Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i love accidental penises.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
