All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
