she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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