I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize