So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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