I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
How's work?
Spinning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think a kid would responsible me up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
