areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
