I accidentally had phone sex last night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
