New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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