fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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