There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
