He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
