Porn is love you can see.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
