If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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